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Post by Crispin on Jun 25, 2023 20:46:25 GMT 1
It would wear off again, eventually, but they could talk about that when it happened. There was nothing physically wrong with Choice – or else she'd have an easier time fixing it – but she trusted him to make good use of such little boosts. Slow work, that others needed too, hopefully bringing this holt together into some kind of harmony with time.
Seeing the savanna was a delight and she didn't mind the lack of people or information. For one, Crispin would not judge anyone on what they choose to share. For another, she'd never been in such raw nature herself, only hearing myths of elves still hiding out there, still following the traditional ways. And giving her youngest away, so he may have a chance growing up there. In freedom.
Slavery was the one detail she kept out of her sending, knowing well that not everyone could so easily accept it. Not that she did either, there just were limits and rules to such fights, an argument her people had all too often. **It'll all come together with time. My people used to live in such savannas too. Circumstances just changed, when humans started to built more and more. It was easier to fit in among them than fight a pointless battle over land.** Being considered inferior or too useful to be left free reign had not been the plan, but that decision had passed generations before her.
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Post by Choice on Jun 26, 2023 20:25:33 GMT 1
Choice did his best to not wince as Crispin revealed that humans had spread - like a swarm of insects is how he interpreted it - and built so much that the elves no longer could avoid them. The idea that humans could become that many, build that many dens, was bone-chilling.
Doing his best to keep smiling, Choice said: "Ah, that sounds...like a wise decision." Better to survive than be killed, but still... "It must be quite the change to come here, then. Are you enjoying the quiet? I'm still getting used to the new sounds but I can't imagine going from that amount of noise and movement around me and then ending up here."
Feeling a need to keep edging away from the topic of humans, Choice's mouth continued (before he could think his words through): "Did you have children? I-I mean, do you have children?" That's how he himself wished to think of Nettle and his cub - somewhere else, happy and safe. Not gone, simply elsewhere.
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Post by Crispin on Jun 26, 2023 21:08:37 GMT 1
Well, it probably was a bit early to introduce such confrontational topics. Then again Crispin did not knew enough of Choices past to avoid what would hurt him for the time being. **I enjoy not being called to injuries every other hour. Not having to worry on who needs me the most. That Tuft can follow some old instincts, for all she never learned how to be wild.** Pretty much everyone could walk up to the caracal without worry, albeit not for useful tasks. Had been meant as companion for her and served that well.
**Pathia, a daughter I had too young to know better. Nirari, the son from my second recognized, given away so he may life in the savanna.** Both life had been taken from her, but she did no mourn them. Not anymore. They walked their own path, in the company of other tribemembers. **And many others who were not mine by blood, that I helped raise for however long they'd be in my life.** Elves send away on assignments of their own eventually. Humans dying, sometimes with her being the first and last person in their lives, unchanged by time.
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Post by Choice on Jun 27, 2023 20:56:05 GMT 1
"That must have been so stressful, having so many people in need of healing." It made sense to Choice that more people would mean more injuries - that was just life. "I'm guessing more people doesn't have to mean more healers." Magic was apparently rare and precious even when there were many elves - or were the other things that made magic rare or common? From what Choice had managed to wheedle out of Keleero, his people had far more magic than Choice's ever had, but No-Sting and Swift-Wind's people seemed to have a bit less. And then there was the madness of the place Flint came from...
"I didn't know animals could be anything but 'wild'," he then confessed, only vaguely understanding the term. "Before I came here all animals I'd met were either bond-friends or not-bonds, so to speak. Is your animal friend all right? Do you need help finding food for them?"
Choice froze as Crispin shared the names of her children and their fates, as well as all those who came after. So much love and loss washed over Choice that he hadn't prepared for, 'loss' being his own interpretation of the many separations Crispin had gone through in her long, long life. For the first time, he truly began to grasp how much older Crispin was than him. He had questions, many questions about a number of things she'd shared (what did she mean with having Pathia 'before she knew better'? who had she give her son away to? had those been human children there in the midst of it all? how long could humans live?), but he chose to hold them back for now. Instead, he looked at Crispin with a deep respect close to awe and said:
"I am sorry your children aren't with you anymore. I hope wherever they are, they are safe and happy."
Knowing for sure that Crispin was his elder many times over and trusting in her both as a healer and as someone who'd clearly lived through many tumultuous changes, Choice dared continue his questions with:
"The way you can share your...name without fully sharing it, can you teach that to others? Or is that something your people are born knowing how to do? I feel I owe Milo something of myself, for balance, but it would not feel right to..." He couldn't say it aloud, he had to send. **I could not share my soul name with him in turn. That is too much of a burden for the poor boy, not to mention it's just wrong, but...**
In sending it became clear exactly to which depths Choice felt that wrongness. Merely thinking of sharing his soul name with Milo was the same to him as imaging stabbing the poor boy or eating his flesh right off his bones while he still lived. Those actions of course weren't the same - sharing a soul name could be a beautiful thing even outside of Recognition - but like this? Forcing his naked soul upon a child he'd only known for a brief moment in his long life? No, that was a taboo so deeply rooted within him it made him ill to think about it. And yet the guilt of knowing Milo's soul name ran just as deep.
**This needs balance,** he repeated, wringing his hands, **but I do not know how to find.**
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Post by Crispin on Jun 28, 2023 21:48:30 GMT 1
**Strong magic is not all that common, nor are healers. There are plenty who learn long years to do similar without magic, but sometimes it's... not enough.** Her magic could bridge that little difference, though she wasn't about to tell Choice how the humans kept her for more trivial tasks, demanding her time more than those truly in need. She'd learned to sneak away, to play over having too little sleep.
**It means she had to be raised by hand, for her parents died, and never lived away from people. Makes her very friendly and approachable, but there were no other caracals to learn from. Never had the need to hunt before, but she got the instinct to 'play' with mice, rabbits and such small beings. If she hungers, she'll certainly be vocal in letting us know.** Just all was a big adventure for Tuft. But you couldn't take somethings nature out of them so easily.
Living as long as she did came with hurts, unavoidable. But even her son would be older than Choice by now, so there was no longer a need to mourn. Maybe the future would reunite them again, hope never lost. And it wasn't like she had a lack of other children to fuss over! **They would've moved onto their own paths anyway. It just happened sooner than expected.** Which didn't make it a bad thing.
And now they were finally getting to the actual problem. She knew part of the problem from Milo already, albeit the child was upset she refused to actively interfere on the matter. Crispin took Choices hands into hers, reassuring him. **It's alright. Don't beat yourself up such for something you had no control over.** Choice hadn't been asked to be put into this position, though Milo had not meant harm either. **I do know Milos name. I asked for it. And it's... different. I am not sharing all of myself either, but were I too, the sound would still be Crispin. Just with a more behind it. Milos is not that. A lot of revelation to give to strangers, but far from a full soulname or recognition, is it not? You could not harm him with it, were one to try.** A capable mindmage could perhaps, but that was not the topic here. **Perhaps they work a little bit different for all of us, much as we turned into different people since the High Ones. And if it's not the same, there is no need for you to give so much of yourself back.**
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Post by Choice on Jul 14, 2023 22:54:40 GMT 1
"My...people had to make do without magical healing for as long as I can remember, so I can picture what you mean." That surprised him far less than the fact that Tuft had been raised 'by hand'. "I haven't heard of that being done before. Is it common where you grew up, to take in animal cubs and bring them up, without other such animals around? Do you have blood-ties to Tuft?"
Choice gave Crispin a sad, sympathetic smile as she spoke of her children. "That's a good way of thinking, I find. I hope I one day can think of my own cub that way. They...they won't be born for a while yet but I hope the cub and the cub's mother are somewhere safe."
The next revelation struck Choice to his core. He barely felt Crispin's hands holding his, he was just that thrown. "A-are you sure?" Of course she was sure, sendings couldn't lie! "I'm... Oh..."
OOC: It's going to take Choice a moment to be able to reply coherently to this news bomb.
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Post by Crispin on Jul 15, 2023 20:15:44 GMT 1
**Enough blood that we could bond, though I would've cared for the company either way. The humans enjoy having animals around too and raising them by hand helps to make up for a lack of bonds. And they needed to adapt to living with people, away from nature, just as much.** Taming and lifestock was a concept that'd once been foreign to her people too, but they'd gotten used to it well enough.
**I'm sure they are. And there may be more children in your future, to see growing up.** Milo for once qualified, for all Choice was insecure about it. But he meant well and that could be enough, on it's own. Especially if he could accept the young ones name, for all she understood it to be a shock. **Think about it** she repeated softly. **Is it really the same as other soulnames you know?**
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Post by Choice on Aug 13, 2023 17:21:32 GMT 1
"I see," was all Choice could answer to Crispin's words on tame animals, as his mind still reeled from the soul name revelation.
Stunned, he simply nodded along to Crispin's talk of future children. He had been numbed to all but thoughts of Milo and true, inner names. "I-I've only ever known my own. And..."
He couldn't even think Nettle's soul name. It was too painful to recall her in such detail, to remember his own soul spoken back to him through her sendings, to recall the acceptance and belonging he'd felt in that glorious moment of Recognition, which had echoed through their time together until she vanished. But Crispin was right. While learning Milo's inner, secret name had told him things about the youth that shouldn't have been his to just know, it hadn't been the baring of souls he'd experienced with Nettle. At first he'd assumed this was the difference between a soul name shared and a soul name experienced through eyes meeting eyes, but now that he willed himself to think Milo's true name (and it took a great force of will, it felt so very very wrong still) he knew for a fact that it wasn't the same.
And that, in itself, horrified him in different ways.
"What do I do now?" He didn't actually expect Crispin to give him a list of tasks. It was more a voicing of his own disorientation. If soul names weren't the same among all elves, then what else wasn't the same? Was some of the things he ate dangerous to other elves? Did they feel the same emotions as he did? A huge part of the very foundation of his world view had been smashed into pieces and he found himself utterly and completely lost. New tears formed but didn't fall.
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Post by Crispin on Aug 14, 2023 15:00:59 GMT 1
She let Choice think, come to conclusions on his own. There wasn't much to misunderstand, if he only though about Olim, truly considered it. **Breathe.** she repeated, patting his hand – though with a smile, not meaning to be condescending about giving this advice again and again. **As far as I know, the High Ones didn't have soulnames. Or went by them openly, though that is the same difference. So ours being different – that might just be an adaption, much as I have the blood of caracals and you that of maned wolfs. But we're still all elves, right?** A little bit different, but not by too much.
**Perhaps it'd be good to tell the others, to talk about their experiences. But all you need to do is think on whether you can bear to address Milo as he wishes or if it's too much. That is a choice we'll not find one solution to fit all on.** Talking to the kid about it came later, ideally in the setting of a group, so Choice wasn't alone in voicing his feelings on the matter.
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Post by Choice on Aug 27, 2023 21:09:16 GMT 1
"The High Ones didn't have soul names?" were the first words to find their way out of Choice's mouth, tumbling out of the chaos his thoughts had become. It did make sense since the High Ones were such impossible, ancient beings.
Taking deep breaths in time with Crispin, Choice managed to get his thoughts in enough order to fully interpret what she'd shared with him. She'd not said she knew the High Ones had no soul names, only that this was how things had been as far as she'd been told. So.
Focus. He needed to focus on what was actually important here. "Yes, talking about this would be… It's important. Yes." Another deep breath. "We are all elves." They were! "But if we don't know about the differences we can't see, we might hurt each other." More than he'd already hurt poor Milo.
Milo. Not the right name, but Choice couldn't make himself think of the one he knew to be the true one. **I'll give it all the thought it deserves.** He chose to send this to Crispin, to show how serious he took the decision on how to address Milo. **What you've told me changes a lot. But… I'm not sure what I'll be able to do now. Thank you though. Sincerely.**
As terrible as he currently felt, he was honestly grateful for having learned this about Milo, about how different soul names could be.
OOC: Time to begin wrapping this up and possibly get a bigger thread going on the subject of soul names?
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Post by Crispin on Aug 30, 2023 20:57:16 GMT 1
There were many things that needed to be talked out, between more than just the two of them. For now she'd given him plenty to think about and hopefully some advice to handle it all better. A little bit of healing, that might go a long way.
**It'll all work out.** she reassured Choice. **I'll see about gathering everyone together in some days, just to talk on this and other issues.** Of which there sure were some. **For today, let me walk you back.** That way there'd be no odd questions to ask on why he walked off alone and returned some time later. Not that she expected any, but it'd give him an easy deflection if needed.
OOC: Yes, time to move along!
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Post by Choice on Sept 5, 2023 19:36:26 GMT 1
Choice fell in besides Crispin, letting her gentle presence sooth him. He would like to believe that it'd all work out. Right now he was too caught up in the utter madness of all he'd learned. Hopefully, this inner storm would calm eventually, so he could think clearly about what these truths meant for...everything. OOC: Excellent! Thank you for the thread  |
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